Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Jolly Good Time...

We are getting ready to make our annual trek to Rangeley in a couple of days and it got me thinking about last year's trip. I was going to write about our adventures during our stay but while I was writing this I realized that the adventure really began on our way to get there.

It all started with a very foul odor emanating from my little angel, The Toots. Okay, now I understand that poop doesn't exactly smell like roses but Holy God in Heaven this was a stench that curled your nose hairs and sent lesser men and women (hello dad, Blake and Ellie) screaming from the room. You just knew that things in her belly were not working properly.

Doc Stephenson was called ASAP and sent us to the hospital for bloodwork, urine analysis and yes, a stool culture. My ever faithful Buh and I took her to the hospital and got the blood and urine done but, let's face it, when you really want it, the poop won't come.

We were given 'supplies' to collect the specimen for whenever it did decide to appear with strict instructions to get it to a lab within an hour or it would be no good. Buh and I had to go to Portland before leaving for Rangeley anyway so we decided to try to get her to poop there and scoot the poop on over to the NordX lab in Scarborough. Easy peasy, right? Yeah, sure.

As we headed to Portland in near ninety degree weather in my less than a year old van, we discovered that the AC was broken. Now, for most people this would be an annoyance but not really a crisis, but when you've got a kid who has seizures and reeking spoiled onion smells from her diaper, let me tell you, it is a HUGE problem.

I called Jolly John who, when we bought the van assured us of their 'award winning service' to be told that 'no, they had no time to work on my van'. I lost it. I am not joking here. I had a total Lee Osgood spell right then and there on the phone with the lady and finished up with, "So this is your award winning service? I've got a disabled child here who has uncontrollable seizures under the best of conditions, I do not even want to imagine what this heat will do to her!" Their response? "Everybody's got problems, lady." I was beyond pissed. My final response? "Well now so do you because I will be there in less than an hour and somebody WILL be fixing this van at that time or I will sue you for everything you've got!" Click.

Buh was giggling nervously during my exchange with Jolly's and then we were both laughing at the absurdity of the situation. I mean really, here we were, flying down the highway headed to yet ANOTHER doctors appointment, eyes glued to Tessie to make sure the heat wasn't making her sick(er), with poop supplies in hand ready at a moment's notice to scoop the poop and heading towards my showdown at a place called Jolly Johns while still needing to get to Rangeley which was the original destination.

Yep, like I've said before, there is just no making this 'shit'(sorry, couldn't resist) up.

So we went to the appointment in Portland and on the way out, as we were getting The Toots into her car seat we smelled a familiar stench. The Toots gave us the best of her worst so to speak and we packaged up the poop and sped away to drop off our prize at the lab in under the one hour window. And let me tell you, for those of you who have never had the pleasure of this experience, walking into a crowded place with a vial of poop in a CLEAR baggie and having to explain out loud what you are doing is an exercise in acute humiliation. I made the walk of shame out of there and we zoomed off to my, um, appointment(?) with Jolly.

We arrived and I told Buh, get Tessie out because they were going to see what "everyone's' problems really looked like. "Bring her feeding pump and 'jump bag' too. We aren't going to spare them anything!" I ordered to poor Buh.

The lady behind the counter looked up when we came in and then did a double take when she spied the Toodle Bug and all of her gear that goes with her. I gave her a glare that would have made my Aunt Sharon proud and said "I'm here to get my AC fixed now!". She took one look at my face, threw another sideways glance over at Buh and the Toodle Bug, and said that they would get right on it. I love to watch people's reactions when they are shown a reality that they can brush off as just another person's 'problem' when they think they will never have to deal with it themselves until a bitch like me shoves it under their nose!

So good ole' Jolly repaired the AC and even went above and beyond by fixing a recall problem that I was unaware of.

And in the end...

Gas to get to Rangeley by way of Saco...$60.00. Repairs to AC and Recall...$0.00. Getting to watch that ladies face as we brought in Tessie to sit in the waiting room during repairs...PRICELESS!!

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