The good news? I think that I will be okay. Not sad or full of self pity and what-ifs.
Just grateful. Grateful that she is alive after the winter we had. We nearly lost her in February to Influenza B and pneumonia. That is not an exaggeration. It is illnesses like that that kill kiddos like my Toodle Bug and she was one sick little girl. The sickest I had ever seen her. Even her normally jovial, goofball pediatrician looked worried. Not to mention the awful seizures that have only gotten worse as the year wore on despite our best efforts to thwart them.
It is also going to help that I am not going to do a kid party. I have decided to just do a family party and the only non family member invited will be Autumn who is a little girl in Tessie's class, that from day one has taken Tessie under her wing like a little mother hen.
And surprise of surprises? I have no guilt about not having all the kids in her class come. None. While Tessie likes the kids, she does not like the chaos and will make herself go to sleep and miraculously wake up just as soon as the last child has left. She will be happier with just our family and Autumn to celebrate with her. And so will I.
The next morning....
I wrote the above last evening and now it is morning. Officially Tessie's 8th birthday. I feel even more grateful today. I am not sad. Not feeling sorry for myself. Just grateful.
At 12:04 a.m. this morning, just the start to the Toot's birthday, her oxygen alarm woke me up. I looked into the baby monitor and knew things were going to hell fast. She was seizing. Well, happy freakin' birthday.
Charlie and I did the usual with oxygen, emergency meds and waiting. The seeminlgy endless waiting. For 20 minutes she seized. And I was pissed. At God. I had gone to bed and said a little prayer for Tessie and specifically asked God for some help in the seizure department. This was His answer? Really? I have a pretty strong faith in God but boy oh boy, it gets tested on a regular basis and all I could think in my exhausted and scared mind was,"This is a cheap shot, God."
So Tessie finished off the night in my bed. She will most likely have a groggy, sleepy birthday which makes me even more sure of my decision not to have a kid party. I am going to make a Spongebob Squarepants cake and a Patrick Star cake. I have all the necessary Spongebob decorations and even a wall covering to make the room look like Bikini Bottom complete with all the characters from the show.
And my little diva picked out her own birthday dress in TJMAXX. I gave her two choices and she very quickly and surely chose the frilly, flowery, orange dress. Isn't she just too smart? I think so.
And I feel better this morning. I am not angry at God because, in my not so exhausted mind, it hit me...
God isn't the one who gives out the seizure card but He can sure as shooting help you make sure you come out the winner in the hand that was dealt.
And through it all, Tessie is a winner...and so are the people that are lucky enough to be a part of her life.
Happy Birthday Tessie!!
Wishing Tessie a wonderful birthday! Sounds like it is going to be a great party Joanna you have planned it perfectly.
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