Last night I slept with a 42", 39lb bed-hog. Or maybe I should say, last night I had very little sleep with said bed-hog because I constantly tried not to roll over and/or suffocate The Toots by moving off of the teeny tiny space she left me to 'sleep'.
I don't think anyone believes that she could take up so much space in a queen sized (and king for that matter) bed. After all, let's examine the facts:
Fact one: She is tiny. Quite a peanut really, other than being relatively tall.
Fact two: I am not tiny. Quite "grande" actually, so shouldn't I be the bed-hog?
Fact three: She cannot coordinate her muscles to move properly to really get anywhere.
So how can my little Toodle Bug take up so much space in bed you ask? One very simple reason...she is a snuggle bunny (she is also a boob girl but that is a blog for another time)! The Toots LOVES snuggling so getting to sleep with me (or anyone) is pure ecstasy to her. You can see it on her face when I tell her that she will be sleeping with me. Her eyes will literally twinkle with merriment and joy and she will smile like the cat that ate the canary.
So here is how The Toots mounts her sneak attack. She will be placed squarely on my hubby's side of the bed. On the side near the floor we will barricade her with pillows so that she can't fall out. We generally do not let her have a pillow under her head for fear of her suffocating (much like an infant might). Next we set up her feeding pump and make sure the wires and tubing are out of her reach then we hook her up to her oxygen/heart-rate alarm. And naturally, she has to have Baby Tad with her to sing her lullabies. I slide in on my side and within minutes I feel little feet reaching out to touch my legs. Check. Next, The Toots will heave herself using the weight of her head over into a "C" so that she is curled around my side and her head is against my back. She then will proceed to rub my back repeatedly with her little hand. Check and Mate!
She is so close to me that if I rolled even one inch over onto my back, I would squash her like a tomato.
All night long we play the game of me pushing her off just a little for her own safety, and her curling right back up and over onto my back. Eventually, I'll give up and let her stay there because she loves it so much. I will then 'sleep' in a tight, rigid little line, riding the seam of the mattress the rest of the night. Well, until she wakes me up by beating her little fist against my face to get my attention or wiggles her little toes to set off all the alarms (she is a smart bed-hog ta-boot)!
And if Nurse Sheila is here for the night and she tries to put Tessie in her own bed to sleep...well...little Miss Toodle Bug will shriek and scream and giggle and make damn sure those alarms are going off so that Sheila will have to get out of bed and check on her. But my smart little bed-hog knows that once Sheila leans over that railing she is all hers. Sheila will scoop her up and put her in bed (a little twin no less) with her and cuddle the rest of the night.
I might momentarily scope it out on the TV monitor that we keep in our room to spy on The Toots when she isn't in our bed.
Poor Sheila, she never stood a chance. Ahhh, nighty night...