Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Got Bugs???...

Tessie was sick. Very sick. Brianna ("Buh" for future reference) and I had already brought The Toots to the medical center earlier that morning. The Toots was clearly not doing well but we could not seem to figure out why. We brought her back home under strict instructions from the most amazing 'Dr. Jen' to call right away if she seemed any worse at all.

About three hours later Buh said to me, "I really don't like her vital signs. Her respiration's are way to fast and her heart is racing." I took a look and we decided to call the medical center to tell them we were on our way up with The Toots.

Thankfully, I had the drill down pretty good by this point and thought to grab my purse and The Toots 'jump bag' that has all her necessary meds and such in it. I was thinking they would probably put us on the ferry and send us to the ER. I was only partially correct.

Jen and Dr. Entel looked Tessie over and decided that they weren't screwing around waiting on the ferry. She was immediately put in the ambulance and taken to our airstrip. The same Tonka Toy plane as before flew us to the mainland where we were once again whisked off in an ambulance to the hospital.

The ER was all ready for us when we arrived and we were put in one of the ER rooms. At this point it was just Tessie and me. Buh was bringing my van over on the ferry and coming to the hospital to meet us and basically, give me moral support. My hubby and I decided that since Buh was willing to do this, it would be better for our other two girls for him to stay home with them. They were already scared about Tessie and we wanted to lessen the severity of the situation for them and figured the best way to do that would be for him to stay home.

By the time Buh got to the hospital both she and I were punch drunk from anxiety. Buh had a headache and I was just exhausted. The Toots was in the hospital bed hooked up to IVs and monitors and really looked awful. We were very worried.

Now, there is something you need to understand about Buh and me. We are just alike (being cousins might have something to do with it) and she loves the Toodle Bug with all her heart. We also tend to get a bit...well...giddy when overly stressed. This was no exception. And to make matters even more hysterical for us, the poor old lady in the next room was having a bit of trouble.

The first time we noticed our 'neighbor' was when we heard her yelling to a nurse outside the room about how she needed to get a different nurse. "Look at her! She's scratching her head! She's got bugs!" we heard her yell out. "I don't want her touching me with bugs on her head!". Well, this just set us off. We lost it. As poor Tessie lay there sicker than a dog, alarms going off, Buh and I went off into gales of hysterical laughter. And I do mean hysterical. But, little did we know, it was about to get a whole lot better.

After about ten minutes of the nurses trying to convince this woman that, no they did not have bugs, she started in on the need for a ciggy butt. "I've been a smoker my whole life, you assholes, I just need a cigerette!", she yelled to whoever would listen. Naturally, they told her no,the hospital was a smoke free zone, so she tried wheedling. In a little girl, I'm on my best behavior voice, she said, "I promise. I'll be a good girl. Please just let me have one cigarette and I promise I'll be good!" Once again she was told no. However, they did offer to give her a patch. She went ballistic. Screaming and yelling at them. Buh and I were literally losing it. I don't know if I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

Well, they could not seem to control this woman's need for a cigarette and her belligerence at not being able to have one so they told her, "We'll have to give you a shot if you can't calm down." No dice. The next thing we hear is security and the doctor and nurses discussing how to approach her to give her the shot. They come up with a plan of attack and go in. She sees the needle and before they can even tell her anything she starts in with her little girl voice, "I'll be good. I promise. Just don't give me a shot. I'll do anything you want...." and before she could finish her sentence they must have shot her up because we all of a sudden we hear her yelling in a NOT so little girl voice, "That was a lethal injection you G-damn fools! You've given me a lethal injection!". Then....silence.

Except of course for mine and Buh's laughter bouncing off the walls. We must have been really loud because a cop actually opened our door and poked his head in. He surveyed the scene before him. Sick kid in bed, two women, tears running down their faces in gales of laughter, to the point where neither one of them could talk, sort of waving him away. As I remember we just looked at the cop, looked at each other and lost it some more. The cop kind of shook his head a bit but must have decided that at least we were happy crazies and gently shut the door.

Hey, it takes all kinds...


  1. Wow, a 'lethal injection'.. you just know I'd be dying to tell her that was indeed exactly what it waas. I'd make a terrible neighbor for that demented, annoying woman.

  2. I have always known that laughter is the best medicine. That is too funny! are most of your adventures