Sunday, May 23, 2010

I like big butts and I cannot lie...

My sweet angel, The Toots, loves inappropriate music. And due to the fact that we have two teenagers in the house, she gets to hear plenty of it.

One song in-particular...Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot.

I think it all started when Blake and Ellie were watching an episode of Friends. The one where Ross and Rachel get their baby to giggle for the first time by singing that song to her. It is a rather catchy little ditty so I started singing it. Next thing I know, The Toodle Bug is giggling hysterically.
Well, naturally I sang it again. Same reaction. She just loved it! Pretty soon, we were all singing it to her just to make her laugh. Blake, Ellie and me...singing, err, rapping, "I like big butts and I cannot lie.". (I am expecting my Mother of the Year Award any minute now.)

But what can I say? Anything that makes Tessie laugh like that I will do. Shamelessly. I have made a fool of myself on more than one occasion just by trying to make her laugh.

One such instance that stands out was a recent visit to Childrens Hospital. It was when we were getting her ready to start the Ketogenic Diet and she needed tons of blood-work to check all sorts of different things.

After her appointment with the Dietitian and Epileptologist (is that a word?), we were sent to the lab to get her "levels" drawn. I was expecting the usual one or two vials of blood. They told me they needed to draw sixteen. SIXTEEN vials of blood from my little Toodle Bug! They needed my permission to draw that much because it was the limit they could take for her weight. I was shocked but agreed because what are you supposed to do in that situation? It's not like they weren't going to need it and we don't exactly live next door so I gave them the go-ahead.

Now, Tessie is a tough stick even for the most experienced phlebotomist so I knew this would be tough. They began but after getting only a few precious vials of blood, they blew a vein. They tried another vein and again, a few vials of blood and it blew.

By this point Tess was reaching her breaking point. She wasn't crying but she was getting mad and squirmy which makes it that much harder to get blood. Before they stuck her again, they asked me if I wanted them to stop. It was hospital policy that after two sticks it was up to the parent whether or not to continue. I said "yes" please continue. We had come so far and they were the best so I knew it would be no better another time. They switched phlebotomists, again hospital policy that after two sticks a new person had to be brought in to try, and we began again.

But before I let them make what was, thankfully, the final stick into Tessie, I told them I had to sing to her to keep her distracted from what was happening. I apologized for having such a bad voice and then, apologized for what I was about to sing. They just laughed at me, assuming, I think, that I would be singing something like twinkle, twinkle, little star.

So, without looking at anybody but Tessie for fear of seeing the look of pure disgust in their eyes, I began..."I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung.".

It was working. Tess had stopped squirming and was even smiling at me while half of her blood supply was being sucked from her body. Uh-oh..That was the only part of the song that I knew! Damn! Now what?

I finally dared to look at the three phlebotomists in the room and said, "that's all I know of the song.". I swear to God, without missing a beat, one of the lab techs picked up where I left off and sang the entire rest of the song to her. Before we left the room, EVERYBODY was singing about liking big butts.

Laughing and singing in a lab room at Childrens Hospital. All because it made a little girl smile.


  1. There are some really nice people in this world!!

  2. This made me cry and realized their is truly some angels out there watching over you all!